Dating isn’t just about meeting someone. It’s not really easy getting along with some strange person of within the same age brackets or someone who’s about a few years older than you are, with a different background, a different perspective, talk more of dating someone who’s significantly much older than you are.
Dating older men-My reactions to their approach
Growing up as a young girl in my late teens, quite a number of significantly older men approached me for marriage but I never gave it a second thought instead I turned down their requests simply because I had only considered the age differences. For me then, a 40-year-old man for a 20-year-old girl was simply ”an inappropriate match”, talk more of going with a man who’s 25 or more years older. I was never aware of the popular notion that ”age is just a number’, even if I was, I honestly don’t think It could have made any meaning to me either. However, there are things to be considered when dating an older man.
7 Benefits of dating older men
Dating or marrying someone who’s probably a decade (10 years), 15, 20, or more years older than you are, has quite a number of benefits as stated and discussed below.
1. Financial Security
Every woman wants to be secure in a relationship. This does not necessarily mean a man fighting for you in public, No! Financial security is exactly what is meant here. No woman would want to settle with a man who’s totally poor. So most women go into a relationship with men who are much older than they are because of financial security.
It is believed that older men must have been working all through their productive ages. They have accumulated so many assets, financial resources, and other investments. So most young women wouldn’t blink an eye to go into a relationship with them because older men surely know how to enjoy life or use their money to spoil the younger woman. Therefore, you won’t have to bother contributing to any financial expenses unless you choose to out of equity and fairness.
Experience wise, older men are so knowledgeable, their perspectives about life, happenings, and every aspect differ from what you, the younger person knows. So they’ll be able to guide you better than the younger men.
3. Emotional Stability
Older men are emotionally stable. They might have suffered heartbreaks, all the emotional crisis that comes with relationships, life difficulties, easy life, and they conquered all that. So, emotionally they’re stable compared to the younger men or men within same age brackets or a few years older than you are, in a relationship.
4. He is your mentor
Older men provide you with a total free mentorship. You’ve got to learn so much from them. They will surely keep guiding and directing you especially when you can humble yourself and learn from them, but why won’t you? since the man is 10 years or more years older than you are. Therefore he’s automatically your mentor. You gain so much knowledge of learning from their historical tales about life and their exposures.
5. Maturity and Interest
They are mature in virtually all aspects. They reason and act maturely. They consider the pros and the cons of every step they want to take hence, they reason better than the younger men. Older men can have absolute patience and tolerate all your naive attitude because they have also experienced such kind of immaturity while still in your age. A younger man within your age or a few years older than you are may not have that patience for you or tolerate your exuberance.
6. You Can Trust And Confide In Older Men
You don’t have to worry or suspect them for cheating because they are almost retired in the game. You can build your confidence and trust around them because a 50-years-old man dealing with a 20-year-old girl has mingled with several women in the past before finally settling with you. He has seen it all about life. So you can actually confide in him and trust him since you know that he’s always there for you.
7. Older Men Are Kind And Loving
Most older men are absolutely soft-hearted. They are kind, loving and romantic. Oops! Please don’t look at me as I have been dating grannies LOL! Apologies I’ve never been involved with older men, okay, but then how did I know about all these? I learn from a lot of relationships gist but when you look at it in reality, they are surely soft-hearted and caring anyway. In reality, when you are in a romance with a man who’s as old as your dad, definitely the man will be pampering you and treats you as his daughter.
Therefore, I wouldn’t just know if it is what most of the younger women out there want. if that is what you want, that’s fantastic! I wish you success and hope you enjoy your relationship with an older man. Here is also a link to an interesting video on the pros/benefits of dating older men in my youtube channel.
Disadvantages of dating older men
Like I have just listed and discussed above, being in a relationship or marrying an older man has many advantages but it can also have other disadvantages.
1. Older men have different perspective and interest
It can sometimes be really difficult dating an older man because of his different point views, values and interests about life. He might not be that energetic as a younger man to participate in certain outdoor activities such as partying and clubbing simply because he has passed that stage. Depending on your age gap, you as a much younger woman wouldn’t have anything to contribute while having a chat with his friends. An older man is more likely to share in the interests of his friends rather than yours.
2. Older men may not want to have more children
An older man might have completed his family and thus, wouldn’t want more burden of having more kids from you. He may likely have teenage kids or grownup children. Things might really go awkward if the children see you as an intruder and possibly they don’t like you. This is apparently common with dating or marrying older men. Discrepancies with step-children are constantly unavoidable. You really need to give that a second thought before settling with an older man who has completed his family.
3. Older men hardly tolerate changes to their lifestyle
An older man probably has a well-organized pattern of routine that has been working for him long ago, therefore it might be difficult for him to tolerate any changes to his regular way of life. You should be willing to adapt to his old organized life pattern if you truly want to mingle with an older man
4. Mid-life crisis is inevitable
Older men will soon become feeble and unable to help themselves. You will be charged with the responsibilities of looking after an older man when you are probably at the prime stage of enjoying your life. You should think twice when considering dating or marrying an older man. Are you ready to stay housebound with him, taking care of him in his sickbed? Are you willing to become a widow much early? These are certainly unavoidable.
5. Older men have had many exes.
Older men have had many lovers in the past. This makes them more exposed to relationships. They tend to have more biased views about women and emotional baggage compared to younger men. Sometimes they believe every other woman nags because of the terrible nagging experiences they had from their exes.
Dating older men-Assumptions
Dating or marrying older men can actually keep people’s tongue wagging. The society and individuals tend to look at you from a totally different perspective when you are involved with someone who is significantly older than you are.
Here is the fact, that ”age is only a number” is not something practical to most people in Africans especially those of us down here in Nigeria. It is even very hard when you as an individual is trying to imbibe by that notion that ”age is only a number”, people around you tend to kick against that. Your family, your friends tend to see something wrong with your choice and decisions of choosing a much significantly older man. They might not even accept the person in question as they go as far as trying to put an end to your relationship.
6 Prejudices/assumptions of dating older men
1. You are seen as a gold digger
People generally believe that you are getting involved in a relationship with an older man simply because of his money, because of what you can gain from the relationship. They assume that you said yes, to the man’s wealthy and to not him that’s the only reason you choose to settle with an older man and nothing more. They look at it from a negative perspective, they don’t see it as love rather they tagged it as ”a relationship for benefits” you are getting involved with this man because of what he has.
2. People assume the older partner dies first
Society tends to assume that the younger partner will definitely outlive the older pattern. They tend to determine who dies first between the two of you, forgetting that age doesn’t determine who dies first. Death is inevitable! It doesn’t say when it will come or to whom it’s going to come to. An accident might occur and the younger person may pass on.
People make this assumption in such a way that your target is to take over all that the man has labored for once he dies. They believe that’s the major reason you’re getting involved with a man who is significantly older than you are.
3. Boring relationship
They see your relationship as boring considering the age differences. They feel like this is not love! this is not a relationship! The man is very much exposed, understanding wise, the man has seen so much about life definitely both of you wouldn’t be reasoning alike. ”Oh no! your discussions with him will be so boring and annoying!”. The man may be talking about politics or civil war, you will be talking about recent TV shows or happenings in the early or mid-year 2000. You can imagine the contradictions.
4. They see the older man as controlling
They are quick to conclude that the older man is controlling you the younger partner. They believe you don’t have any say in terms of decision making in the relationship. Sometimes they tend to think that the older man hypnotized you into the relationship especially when the older man is not even wealthy. You can hardly please the society, if the older man is well-to-do, they’ll conclude you said yes because you’re a gold digger. All you want is his money! and if he’s not that rich you naturally fell in love with him, people will still gossip about your choice.
5. The older man will become weak and feeble
People consider the midlife crisis especially when a man who is about 50 years older marries a young woman who is only 20 or less than 25 years of age. People tend to conclude that the older man is probably looking for someone who would take care of him during his feeble old age. This seems to be certain because, after about 10 years, the older man would definitely start getting tired, old age comes with so many challenges and health crises. Many people go on to question the intentions behind your relationship because they wonder what exactly you want by saying yes to a man who is much older than you are?.
6. You are a ceremonial partner/wife
People see you as a ceremonial partner especially when the man involved has finished having his children. The man would definitely not want to have more children from you because he has completed his family from his previous relationship or marriage. Therefore people’s assumptions could be right when they say that the older man is actually looking for someone that would look after him during his weak old age. They might also be wrong in some cases because some older men prefer going after the much younger women for the reasons best known to them.
See also, a video on Dating older men assumptions on my channel.
Finally, People make a lot of assumptions when you are involved with someone who is significantly older than you are. You can never avoid being gossiped by the public because it is assumed you are involved in something unusual to the society. However, society might be totally right in their assumptions because it is absolutely uncommon for an older man of about 50-years or more to be in a relationship with a young woman of about 20- years of age. Ensure that you consider all the above benefits and implications before dating or marrying an older man.